I’ve reached the point in my life where I want to settle down, but I recently had a disagreement with a friend about my priorities, and I’d appreciate your insight. I’m 46, single, and make $210,000, not including my annual bonus. I have paid off my student loans and I own my house. He is worth about $700,000 and has about $400,000 left on the mortgage. Here’s my problem: I want to meet someone rich. Is it so bad?
My friend expressed dismay when I told her this, but I see wealth as a sign that someone is ambitious and aims high. I’m tired of dating losers. The last person I dated had been living in the same rent-controlled apartment for almost 20 years. This is the size of my dining room. I know that living in a rent-controlled apartment is something sought after in a city like Los Angeles and surrounding areas. Maybe it was good when he was 20. But he now has nearly 50.
Am I too critical? When I expressed my feelings about limiting my search to dating a rich man, my friend glanced at me and took a long, slow sip of her margarita. It was his way of showing his disapproval. But I’ve worked hard to get what I have, and I don’t see anything wrong with wanting a partner who has the same level of assets and ambition as me. I work as an interior designer and my business keeps growing.
PS: I come from an upper middle class family, who always worked for what they had. My parents were both successful real estate agents.
Single for the holidays
If you object to someone earning less than your annual salary, be prepared for someone even richer to do the same to you.
There are plenty of people who earn a quarter of what you earn who would rightly see themselves as winners. The median household income in the United States hovers around $71,000 per year. Better to view your own income as a gift rather than a barometer by which to measure – or judge – others.
There’s a big difference between wanting to date a guy who is “rich” – and/or has a job and is financially independent – and dating someone you describe as a “loser”. It’s possible your friend quietly rolled her eyes at that. Perceptions of what constitutes wealth are relative.
The first suggests that you believe your relationship owes you the same “yield” that you earned and/or inherited from your parents during your lifetime. (This legacy may include an education that got you to college and/or money inherited from your parents.)
The second implies that anyone who hasn’t had the same opportunities as you or who hasn’t chosen such a high paying job – like a teacher, nurse or social worker… some of the most important professions in the world – n is not up to par. . None of these positions suit me.
Nearly half of people who date told this survey that financial transparency makes them feel more comfortable early in the relationship. In other words, money matters. And yet, more than a third of people owe a hidden debt to their partner. Translation: They know money matters.
That said, using wealth as the sole filter of your search for a life partner could limit your choices, and put the desire for material things or a certain “way of life” above other important criteria: humility, kindness , intelligence, compassion, etc. don’t have Instagram META,
filters for it.
Baby boomers are expected to transfer up to $68 billion in wealth to younger generations over the next 20 years, according to a projection by the Investment Company Institute, a global association of regulated funds. It would be the largest intergenerational transfer in history.
Some of this wealth will be in the form of property. The world is not built fairly or justly. Black homeownership hovers around 44%, by some estimates, while white homeownership is closer to 74%. (Black Americans are rejected for mortgages at more than double the rate of white applicants.)
““Using wealth as the sole filter for your search for a life partner could limit your choices and place the desire for material things or a certain ‘way of life’ above other important criteria.””
Before congratulating ourselves on where we have ended up in life, it is important to take stock of where we started. You want to find a life partner who has a similar or higher bank balance than yours. They may or may not share your outlook on life and similar views on rich versus poor.
Most people are just lucky to own their own home. The median income needed to buy a typical home in the United States has risen to $88,300, nearly $40,000 more than before the coronavirus pandemic began, Chief Economist Lawrence Yun said last month. at RAN.
Silicon Valley’s commercialization of people’s personal lives — the lucrative intersection of finance and romance, which has people swiping left or right on a carousel of images — has given new meaning to the market for met. And it’s a market, a carousel of smiling faces hoping for their dream match.
People swipe right or left depending on various factors. Dating sites like Hinge, Match.com, Tinder and OKCupid are full of de facto economic indicators. Consciously or not, singles use financial filters when choosing partners based on lifestyle, real estate and clothing.
A picture can say a lot more about a person than it wants to reveal. So it’s hard to criticize yourself for something that most people do in a myriad of other ways. Just be careful of the words you use and try not to let any aspect of life, however important to you, cloud your judgement.
If you look at dollar signs and real estate, you might miss the other factors that make up a happy relationship. Do you share the same values? Does he listen when you have something important to say? Is it consistent? Is he a man of his word? Does he generously share his time?
Dating a rich man won’t make you happy, even if one person’s “rich” is another’s “moderately well off”. The bitter truth is that you’re not the first person to want to use wealth as a green light to sweep right, and you won’t be the last. Make no mistake about all these other areas.
You can email The Moneyist for all coronavirus-related financial and ethical questions at email@example.com, and follow Quentin Fottrell on Twitter.
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The Moneyist regrets not being able to answer the questions individually.
More Quentin Fottrell:
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I sold my late mother’s house for $250,000. I make $80,000 and have student debt of $220,000. I want to buy a house. Do I have to use all my inheritance for a down payment?
“This guy freaked me out”: My date picked an exclusive restaurant in LA. After dinner he accepted my credit card – and we split a $600 bill. Shouldn’t he have paid?